This is how I cope with imminent death...

This is how I cope with imminent death...

How do I cope with imminent death?
I turn up life's heat
I don't clench – I let go
I take baby steps through time
Flip like a pancake
Wait for the day those steps grow into the past
Until the present reminds me I'm a survivor
A nomad of life
Wandering through experience
As innocent as can be
Until wisdom takes root

STUCK IN A CAREGIVER RUT?

Do you feel stuck in the same cycle of life, tied to caring 24/7 and struggling to remember happy times exist? Repeating the same daily chores over and over again?

No? Fair enough. This post isn't for you today. Come back here when it is.

For me there's an awareness that almost every seed I post on this blog is holding back about my role as a caregiver for my 97 year old dad.

For a couple of years I've planned to do so many things.

The main one is the book. And I feel I've let you down.

Not because I didn't publish the book when I'd hoped — no — because I've not shared the reality of my grueling caregiver situation more starkly.

I'm a very private person and sharing personal things doesn't feel natural.

And that's doubled when I'm talking about the people I love.

But I'm going to break my silence today and tell you how it is. I want to share this because you need to know that life can be harsh if you don't use your soul awareness to soften the harshness.

My dad has just developed orthopnea.

It means he can no longer lie down to sleep or else he'll drown from the liquid his aging heart cannot pump clear.

He's/ We're living this truth now. Today!

This isn't clickbait.

The man I've loved since I was born is going to die. And I'm watching it in slow motion. Never knowing when the end (which it isn't) will happen.

This is a time when fearful thinking can dominate and caregiver fatigue can creep in. I call that unhelpful negative thinking: Gori. The primal-ego driving force that can get very needy and domineering when faced with emotion.

Well, I'm defying its primal grip on this situation. It's going ape thinking I can't cope and this will go on forever and... You get the idea.

How do I defy this inner voice?

Easy (ish) because I'm armed with the most powerful thing known to, well, EVERYTHING. A power that helps me let go of the fear and any unnecessary pain:

❤️ LOVE!

Don't barf. I didn't mean it in a sickly uncool way.

With The Soul Acts philosophy central to my understanding, I'm able to face death without any absolute need to overthink the painful depth of it. I know that love will take care of things in time. It will guide me to do whatever I need to do that whatever happens I always act with and feel love.

You know that song in The Lion King? Well to me, the circle of life to me is more like a pancake. What looks like a returning back to dust from one angle, is merely an illusion from another angle.

That pancake edge is the sweet spot. Where you'll find your sugar and lemon toppings dripping over to reveal something deliciously different. Life isn't just about a circle, it's about not needing to see the circle.

It's in the unseeing, the unknowing of a situation that love fills the empty space fear tries to make and echo Gori thoughts.

So today, I healthily accept that what I'm witnessing firsthand is a massive event in our family. Yet I'm also comforted knowing that whatever happens, in the grand scheme of life, love, and everything — things are inevitably going to feel and be different — but they will never take away the love I feel for my dad. Whatever happens I'll always be in touch with him whether I see him or feel him.

And the respect this moment grows is a gift.

Most people would panic at not being able to sleep flat ever again at risk of not waking up. My dad's like: "Where are we going for Christmas this year" 😁🌱✨. YES: A LEGEND!

What does all this mean for you? It means that in your own soulful way, you will survive the hardest days of caregiving and grow through them to see a different perspective, thanks to the love you continue to feel today.

Soulfully,
CJB